Hi! My name is Jenny. I have been married to my best friend for 33 years, I have two wonderful children and on June 30, 2015 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am determined to get well and I know that with the strength my Lord provides and the love and support of my family and friends, that will happen. The road to healing is a difficult one… however I strive to be thankful for the blessings I have, to find joy in every day and maybe in some small way be a blessing to those I come in contact with. The support and encouragement that I find on this blog makes my heart smile and helps me to realize that I am not alone. All of you are so much appreciated and help me more than you will ever know. So thanks for stopping by....if you would like please leave a comment after my post....I would love to hear from you.
Welcome back to my blog. I cannot even
believe it has been almost 5 months since I have posted. The last time I posted
we were getting ready to celebrate Thanksgiving and now Spring has arrived. To
be honest a lot has happened during these last 5 months. My Mother~in~Law needed
me during this time and I gladly stepped in to care for her as she battled
Pancreatic Cancer. I am still battling cancer of my own so between my battle
and hers I had little energy left to do anything else. And that is ok…. because
I loved her, she needed me and I was there and there was no place else I would
have even wanted to be. You see my Mother~in ~Law was a very special part of
our family, she was a cherished Mother and beloved Grandmother, a sister, an
aunt, a cousin, and to many a dear friend. Last Sunday, May 6th, she
changed her address to Heaven and I know she is in the presence of Jesus right
now and to me that is an amazing thought! Yet even as I rejoice that she is
free from pain and suffering, that she is with our Lord and Savior, that she
has been reunited with loved ones who have gone on before her and that maybe
now she has finally met her biblical hero Noah,
if the truth be told I am feeling sad, very sad, and I miss the woman
that I have called Mom for over 33 years. So feel free to pour yourself a cup
of coffee ( oh how she loved coffee) and share a simple moment or two with me
as I remember this woman who has taught me so much and welcomed me into her
family not so very long ago.
Her name was Patricia but to Scott and I
she was Mom, to Andrew and Emily she was Grandma, to her sister she was Patty (
and believe it or not I just learned this these last few weeks…lol) and to her
friends she was Pat. I remember the first time I met her. Scott and I were
still at college and she had driven up to help him drive his belongings home
for our summer break. We went out to lunch, had a nice visit and as I stood
waving good-bye to Scott and his mom I remember thinking “ I don’t think I am
exactly the girl that his mom hoped he would fall in love with.” LOL! For you
see, it was just Scott and his mom. She had raised him all alone and she had
done a wonderful job. They both loved the mountains and camping and fishing in
the lakes of those mountains was a favorite pastime. They were also very
athletic! Pat was a great bowler and had won many awards for her skill, both
she and Scott loved to play golf and during the summer months they could be
found cheering on their San Diego Padres both at home and at the stadium, and
when Fall came around the San Diego Chargers took the front seat and football
was life! And then along came Jenny…. who loved the beach, walking along the
shoreline and collecting shells. She wasn’t all that thrilled about camping and
“breaking up fish families” as she lovingly called it, she was happiest sewing
on a quilt, stitching a sampler, crocheting and reading one wonderful book
after another. And she was from Los Angeles……the home of the Los Angeles
Dodgers, San Diego’s biggest rivals during baseball season. Oh my! You know
what? It all turned out just fine. Our mutual love for her son brought us
together and I learned so much from her. I learned that spaghetti sauce doesn’t
have to come out of a jar, you can make pancakes from potatoes and they are
absolutely delicious served with polish sausage and applesauce, a lake is just
as beautiful as the ocean and relaxing with a good book while they fished was
just as enjoyable, flowers no matter where you live makes a house a home and
tending them and watching them grow is a wonderful pastime, it was just as much
fun to cheer on the Padres as it was the Dodgers and on cool, Fall evenings, on
our weekends home to San Diego, it was particularly cozy to watch the Chargers
and stitch a sampler or quilt during the game! Love! We were growing as a
family and while this was happening I noticed something else. She treasured the
little sampler I made for her, she adored the sweatshirt that I had cross-stitched
darling little seals on and the granny square afghan that I crocheted for her
in her favorite fall colors? She used that every day of her life! Love!
Now here I was thinking that everything
was going along just fine! And then I had Andrew and 3 ½ years later I had
Emily and things got even better because being a Grandma was COOL! Oh my
goodness showing off her grandchildren to her church friends and golfing
buddies was even better then Charger football! And it even got more exciting
because as our children grew they loved sports!!!! We started with miniature
golf and soon advanced to Little League, soccer, horseback riding and bowling!
I treasure the memories of her and I sitting side by side cheering on one child
or another, laughing, sharing stories about when Scott was a little boy and
played Little League and would win free pizzas for dinner every time he hit a
home run! The day she gave me his Little League uniform was a special day in my
memory book…. And yes I still have it! We started attending Padre games with
the kids and oh the fun we had with Grandma cheering right beside us! She
bought Andrew his first Charger sweatshirt and he still has it to this day! Emily
has a few stuffed animals wearing a Padre T-shirt, thanks to Grandma…lol! She
was so very proud of her grandchildren! Love!
The years crept by, the children grew up,
but we were still a very close family enjoying simple pleasures that Pat had
shared with us. Christmas, birthdays, feeding the ducks at the lake all become
extra special to us now. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer she was there
encouraging not only me but Scott as well every step of the way. I remember
coming home from an emergency room visit and calling her to let her know I was
ok and she just started crying, so thankful just to hear my voice and share a
minute with me. Love! Do you remember the wooden hearts and pink bracelets we
sent out to family and friends when I first learned I had breast cancer? She
wore that bracelet every single day until a few days before she passed away.
Every single day she would look at that bracelet and pray for me! Love!
Christmas came and went this past year
and Pat was not feeling well. She didn’t have much of an appetite and she was
saying that she had pain in her stomach. We went from one doctor’s appointment
to the other, one test and then another all the while her symptoms getting a
little worse each day. Worry became a constant companion and soon the mass on
her pancreas was discovered. I cried…. she was strong. She was determined to
fight, to try and beat this awful thing that had come to live in her body. More
bad news… it had metastasized and there was nothing that could be done! There
were more tears and then determination. I was going to be there for every
minute, for every day, for every memory that she had left. She was not going to
battle this alone….our family would rally together and care for her and make
whatever time she had left on this side of Heaven full of love. I have many
priceless memories of our time together these past weeks but two memories I
hold especially dear. It was Good Friday and I was spending the day with Pat.
Scott and Andrew had to go out of town so it was “just us girls.” The pain was
really bad that day and she was just so very sick so I made the decision to
call an ambulance and get her to the hospital. I rode in the ambulance with
her, stayed with her through everything and just held her hand and prayed. The
doctors let her go home later that evening and she was feeling better because
her medications had been adjusted. When we arrived back at her house I got her
settled back in her bedroom and asked if she wanted anything to eat. Cold
cereal was her answer so cereal it would be for dinner. Her and I sat side by
side on the edge of her bed eating honey nut cheerios and she told me how
thankful she was to have had me in her life all these years, how thankful she
was for all I had done to help make her feel better and most importantly to
tell me how much she loved me! Later that week she would be back in the
hospital only coming home under hospice care.
I have had the privilege to call this
woman Mom for over 33 years and even in her last weeks here on this earth she
continued to teach me things that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
We talked a lot during this time and probably became closer than we had ever
been before. She didn’t want to leave us and we certainly were not ready to let
her go. She shared with me how worried she was about leaving Scott. After all
he is her baby and always will be. I promised her that I will always love her
son, that I will be there every step of the way to make sure that he is ok,
that I will cherish him forever and that even though I could never in a million
years take her place I would be there with love! Forever! But I needed her to
do something for me as well. You see Scott and I have a baby up in Heaven, a
baby that I wanted her to love and cherish for me. So with tears spilling down
both our cheeks we promised each other that we would watch over and care for
the babies that mean so much to us, the ones we hold close to our hearts, until
someday when we all will be together in Heaven!
The days became harder. She was still in
pain and often confused. She slept more and didn’t always know we were there.
But we were there anyway….talking to her, caring for her and loving her. Love!
The most important gift that we have! The most important gift we can give! As
her time on earth was coming to an end we noticed something. She couldn’t use
her smart phone anymore, she couldn’t move around her house, she couldn’t drive
her car or pick out her own clothes and she couldn’t wear her jewelry because
it was too heavy. And none of it was important. The only thing left that she
could do was love her family and she did that very well. With every hug, with
every smile, with every conversation, with every squeeze of the hand she gave
love and received love! I remember the last time she told me that she loved
me….a treasured memory for always….to carry in my heart. And the greatest of
these is love! And so it is!
She entered Heaven early on Sunday
morning…. just in time for church we say! On Monday Scott gave me an early
Mother’s Day present. He gave me her gold locket, in the shape of a heart. I
feel the need to keep this locket close to me now, as a way to keep her close
to me. I was not ready to let her go and I still need that little something to
hold on too. I know I really don’t need to carry it with me because she is in
my heart where she has always been but for now it brings me comfort. Every time
I look at this locket I feel her love and I am so thankful for every second of
every minute of every day that I was able to spend with her and call her mom.
And the greatest of these is love! And so
it is!
This Sunday we will be celebrating
Mother’s Day here in the USA. I am not sure what my family will be doing on
that day but I do know this. Whatever we decide to do we will all carry Pat
with us in our hearts. We will talk about her life and how blessed we were to
have her in our lives. We will express to each other how much we miss her and I
am sure we will all cry… as we have been doing all week. Because if the truth
be told we never have enough time with the people that we love and our time
with her was just too short. There is a piece of our hearts that are in Heaven
now and someday that empty place will be filled, after we are together again in
Heaven. You know what I wish? I wish there were visiting hours in Heaven, I
wish for one more hug, one more conversation and one more I love you. I know
one day that will happen but until then……
Happy
Mother’s Day Mom! I love you and miss you more then you will ever know but this
is not good-bye….this is just see you later! I will see you again someday and what
a reunion that will be!
Hello my Friends and Happy Fall! I hope as you read this
latest post you are doing well and that you are enjoying some lovely Fall
weather where you are!
I love all the seasons but to be honest Fall is my favorite!
I remember the year that Scott and I moved to Fort Wayne, Indiana and the first
time I saw the magnificent colors of the leaves as they changed. I remember
driving down country roads and being surrounded by absolute brilliance….the
beautiful colors of these tall, majestic trees. I had never seen anything like
that and I was so very impressed by the artwork of God! The cooler
temperatures, the smell of wood fires burning in peoples fireplaces, the
wonderful cozy feeling of drinking hot chocolate while watching the leaves as
they blew gently down to the ground. I remember the pumpkins sitting on front
porches surrounded by the leaves as they fell. I can to this day still hear the
“ crunch, crunch” as we walked over these leaves while attending Fall Festivals
and buying delicious apples to take home and bake into a pie or fruit crisp! I
cherish these memories and I think that is why I have always loved this
sampler! It brings to mind all those happy Fall days and every time I look at
this sampler I smile!
This week here in the United States we will be celebrating
Thanksgiving. We will be setting aside this day to give thanks for the many
blessings that we have been given and for all of the people in our lives. To be
honest I don’t want to wait until Thursday to tell all of you how special you
are to me and how very thankful I am to have each and every one of you in my
life. You have touched my life in a very
special way whether I have known you for just a few weeks or all of my life! I
am so thankful for all the joy you have given, for all the smiles and tears
that we have shared, for the memories we have made and the small moments that
have made each day more special. Each and every one of you have helped me
through this journey and I am forever grateful for that wonderful gift!
But why today you might ask? Well I think my answer
encompasses a lot of things. First and foremost it is because I am truly
grateful for all of you! I have tried to let the people that I love know that I
love them a lot! I have tried to do this all of my life not just since I was
diagnosed with cancer and began my journey to live. Life is a precious,
beautiful gift that we have been given and I try really hard to live each day
with LOVE because that to me is what is most important! To simply love! I do
not accomplish this every day….I think most days I fail….but I try and my
prayer each morning is that I can be a blessing to someone today. Most days I
am given so much love….from my husband, my children, my extended family and my
friends and my prayer is that I share that love with all of you! That is
important to me.
Today I said good-by to a friend of mine. We met in the
chemo room just a few short weeks ago! We laughed and visited and formed a
friendship. We shared a little bit about our journey, we laughed over the
trials of losing our hair, we talked about our fears and our favorite childhood
books but most of all we just talked about us and how much we wanted to win
this battle. Kim may be losing her battle but my friends she will win the war
because she will live on in the memories of her family, her friends and
me! She reached out a hand of friendship
that day and I will be forever grateful for the way to short but oh so special
small moments we had! I am so thankful for the time we did have and I am so
thankful to realize yet again how each and every day does count! No day is ever
wasted, no smile is ever meaningless and no act of kindness, however small it
might seem, is ever worthless! Love does matter….Love does count…and when it
comes right down to it….Love is what is so very important.
And so my friends….let us take one more look at the sampler
that I love. The last line has always been my favorite…. And today, just for a
few moments as we share a small moment on this blog, I am so very thankful
because “ today we are together” and life doesn’t get any better than that!
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you! I cannot even imagine
where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given
me a heart full of joy!
Hello my dear friends. I know you are probably
very surprised to see another post from me! Shocked might even better describe
what you are feeling…LOL…but I hope you can take a deep breath….there aren’t we
feeling better already?….maybe have something cool to drink if it is hot where
you are….and believe me it has been HOT where I live….and share a simple, quiet
moment with me. I so enjoy your company. Are we ready? Ok then here we go……turn
on the music, scroll down through the pictures and Carolien? If you are like me
you might need a tissue or two….winks.
One of my very favorite quotes states
that “ Time is not measured by clocks but by moments.” I have always believed
that the simple little moments, the big moments, the sad moments, the happy
moments and the moments filled with love are what make up our lives, help
define who we are and give us lasting memories that last a lifetime. I treasure
all the moments that I can spend with those I love, and I love to remember them
at later times. Last night I had just such a moment. It was completely
unexpected, one that actually took my breath away and made my heart smile. It
was just a quick little moment, probably going unnoticed by the others in the
room, yet to me it was so very special. It was early evening, the sun had not
quite set yet, but its hues were the soft darker colors, you know, the ones
where it looks almost golden, like it is tucking in our little corner of the
world all safe and cozy before it goes and shines brightly on the other side of
the world. The air conditioner was still on because it has been so very hot
here these past few weeks, dinner was simmering in the crock-pot, the smell of
fresh baked bread and lemon cupcakes still lingered in the air, and if you
happened to open the door you would smell the beautiful smell of freshly cut
grass, because that is what Scott and Andrew had been doing. Andrew was taking
a short break before he went out to finish up the front grass and was visiting
with me. Tiffany our white, orange and grey calico cat started playing the
funniest game and we were laughing so hard. We called Emily in to watch and she
started laughing as well and she was smiling and at that very moment as I was
watching her it was as if God reached down and very gently pulled the veil
aside and what I saw was this beautiful young woman, who is so very special to
me, who brings so much joy to so many people’s lives and all of a sudden I knew
how blessed I was to have her as my daughter! My daughter! What a precious, no
words could ever express, gift!
Emily was born in the spring of 1995! It
was such a beautiful time of year with the flowers blooming, the grass and
hills all green, little birds singing in the trees and a new baby sleeping in
her cradle at our house. She was Daddy’s Little Girl and Mommy’s Little Pooh
Bear and Andrew’s Little Playmate right from the start. She was an easy going
baby who slept well, ate well and adjusted to our busy lives. She smiled first
for her Daddy which brought tears to his eyes and always needed to have Mommy
around or , you guessed it, the crying would begin! She would laugh at Andrew,
love to read stories and loved to hear music playing. She loved to be rocked to
sleep and “You are My Sunshine”, “ Hush Little Baby” , “This Little Girl Of
Mine” and I Love You from Barney were her favorite lullaby’s. She cherished the
white blankie that I made for her and she had to carry two pacifiers with her
at all times. She took her first steps on her first birthday, going to see the
balloons, and she loved to give “backward hugs!” As she grew she loved to play
with her dolls, whenever we had to drive somewhere we had to wait until her
“kids” were buckled in too…grins…and keeping up with Andrew was her only goal
every day! She loved to do art projects which she proudly shared with me, just
ask her about her cow head someday…lol…she loved to have stories read to her on
our white bench, play with her little friends, and oh what a great day it was
if we went to McDonald's for chicken nuggets! Before I could turn around she was
riding a horse like she was born in the saddle, loving to play soccer but don’t
be deceived….she could and still can hit a softball like you would never
believe…just ask Scott who has had two pairs of sunglasses broken and has had to
duck quickly to avoid being hit while pitching to her! All you have to say is
“Blue Jay” to make her double over with laughter and if you are ever looking
for Emily just follow the music playing. She makes the most beautiful jewelry
and plays the guitar effortlessly….she is such a natural with music! She loves
animals and I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if she lives on a ranch some day . She is very artistic and can draw and paint
just like her Dad! She loves the beach and everything having to do with it…just
like her mom…coffee at Starbucks is a Father Daughter tradition and she has
been spoiling us all with all the lovely baking she does! Emily is smart , has
a wonderful sense of humor, and most importantly she shines brightly, every day
for our Lord! She has seen me through this journey with love and I never would
have made it this far without her love and support! Looking into my daughter’s
eyes I see strength and she has shared that strength with me, I see hope and
she has in turn shared that hope with me and given me a reason to keep on
believing, to believe that tomorrow will be better, that dreams do come true. She loves without holding back and because of
her I am the woman I am today! She is an
amazing young woman who I am so very blessed to call not only my daughter but
my friend! I love you to the moon and back a zillion times and then some, Emily
and I always, always will! So just keep on dreaming, singing your song to the
world and loving all who you come in contact with! You make this world a better
place, dear Emily, and you certainly make our corner of the world brighter and
filled with more happiness and joy then we could ever have imagined! Thank you
for every hug, every kindness and every bit of laughter that you have shared
not only with us but with all you know! You are truly a gift from God!
Love~ Mom
I just thought you might enjoy seeing
some of our family pictures and getting to know my daughter a little better! I
for one am smiling from ear to ear!
~A daughter is a miracle that never
ceases to be miraculous~