And The Greatest of These is Love…..

Hello Dear Friends,

Scott's Confirmation

Scott's High School Graduation

Did I Mention She Could Draw?

Welcome back to my blog. I cannot even believe it has been almost 5 months since I have posted. The last time I posted we were getting ready to celebrate Thanksgiving and now Spring has arrived. To be honest a lot has happened during these last 5 months. My Mother~in~Law needed me during this time and I gladly stepped in to care for her as she battled Pancreatic Cancer. I am still battling cancer of my own so between my battle and hers I had little energy left to do anything else. And that is ok…. because I loved her, she needed me and I was there and there was no place else I would have even wanted to be. You see my Mother~in ~Law was a very special part of our family, she was a cherished Mother and beloved Grandmother, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, and to many a dear friend. Last Sunday, May 6^th, she changed her address to Heaven and I know she is in the presence of Jesus right now and to me that is an amazing thought! Yet even as I rejoice that she is free from pain and suffering, that she is with our Lord and Savior, that she has been reunited with loved ones who have gone on before her and that maybe now she has finally met her biblical hero Noah,  if the truth be told I am feeling sad, very sad, and I miss the woman that I have called Mom for over 33 years. So feel free to pour yourself a cup of coffee ( oh how she loved coffee) and share a simple moment or two with me as I remember this woman who has taught me so much and welcomed me into her family not so very long ago.

Her name was Patricia but to Scott and I she was Mom, to Andrew and Emily she was Grandma, to her sister she was Patty ( and believe it or not I just learned this these last few weeks…lol) and to her friends she was Pat. I remember the first time I met her. Scott and I were still at college and she had driven up to help him drive his belongings home for our summer break. We went out to lunch, had a nice visit and as I stood waving good-bye to Scott and his mom I remember thinking “ I don’t think I am exactly the girl that his mom hoped he would fall in love with.” LOL! For you see, it was just Scott and his mom. She had raised him all alone and she had done a wonderful job. They both loved the mountains and camping and fishing in the lakes of those mountains was a favorite pastime. They were also very athletic! Pat was a great bowler and had won many awards for her skill, both she and Scott loved to play golf and during the summer months they could be found cheering on their San Diego Padres both at home and at the stadium, and when Fall came around the San Diego Chargers took the front seat and football was life! And then along came Jenny…. who loved the beach, walking along the shoreline and collecting shells. She wasn’t all that thrilled about camping and “breaking up fish families” as she lovingly called it, she was happiest sewing on a quilt, stitching a sampler, crocheting and reading one wonderful book after another. And she was from Los Angeles……the home of the Los Angeles Dodgers, San Diego’s biggest rivals during baseball season. Oh my! You know what? It all turned out just fine. Our mutual love for her son brought us together and I learned so much from her. I learned that spaghetti sauce doesn’t have to come out of a jar, you can make pancakes from potatoes and they are absolutely delicious served with polish sausage and applesauce, a lake is just as beautiful as the ocean and relaxing with a good book while they fished was just as enjoyable, flowers no matter where you live makes a house a home and tending them and watching them grow is a wonderful pastime, it was just as much fun to cheer on the Padres as it was the Dodgers and on cool, Fall evenings, on our weekends home to San Diego, it was particularly cozy to watch the Chargers and stitch a sampler or quilt during the game! Love! We were growing as a family and while this was happening I noticed something else. She treasured the little sampler I made for her, she adored the sweatshirt that I had cross-stitched darling little seals on and the granny square afghan that I crocheted for her in her favorite fall colors? She used that every day of her life! Love!

Now here I was thinking that everything was going along just fine! And then I had Andrew and 3 ½ years later I had Emily and things got even better because being a Grandma was COOL! Oh my goodness showing off her grandchildren to her church friends and golfing buddies was even better then Charger football! And it even got more exciting because as our children grew they loved sports!!!! We started with miniature golf and soon advanced to Little League, soccer, horseback riding and bowling! I treasure the memories of her and I sitting side by side cheering on one child or another, laughing, sharing stories about when Scott was a little boy and played Little League and would win free pizzas for dinner every time he hit a home run! The day she gave me his Little League uniform was a special day in my memory book…. And yes I still have it! We started attending Padre games with the kids and oh the fun we had with Grandma cheering right beside us! She bought Andrew his first Charger sweatshirt and he still has it to this day! Emily has a few stuffed animals wearing a Padre T-shirt, thanks to Grandma…lol! She was so very proud of her grandchildren!  Love!

The years crept by, the children grew up, but we were still a very close family enjoying simple pleasures that Pat had shared with us. Christmas, birthdays, feeding the ducks at the lake all become extra special to us now. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer she was there encouraging not only me but Scott as well every step of the way. I remember coming home from an emergency room visit and calling her to let her know I was ok and she just started crying, so thankful just to hear my voice and share a minute with me. Love! Do you remember the wooden hearts and pink bracelets we sent out to family and friends when I first learned I had breast cancer? She wore that bracelet every single day until a few days before she passed away. Every single day she would look at that bracelet and pray for me! Love!

Christmas came and went this past year and Pat was not feeling well. She didn’t have much of an appetite and she was saying that she had pain in her stomach. We went from one doctor’s appointment to the other, one test and then another all the while her symptoms getting a little worse each day. Worry became a constant companion and soon the mass on her pancreas was discovered. I cried…. she was strong. She was determined to fight, to try and beat this awful thing that had come to live in her body. More bad news… it had metastasized and there was nothing that could be done! There were more tears and then determination. I was going to be there for every minute, for every day, for every memory that she had left. She was not going to battle this alone….our family would rally together and care for her and make whatever time she had left on this side of Heaven full of love. I have many priceless memories of our time together these past weeks but two memories I hold especially dear. It was Good Friday and I was spending the day with Pat. Scott and Andrew had to go out of town so it was “just us girls.” The pain was really bad that day and she was just so very sick so I made the decision to call an ambulance and get her to the hospital. I rode in the ambulance with her, stayed with her through everything and just held her hand and prayed. The doctors let her go home later that evening and she was feeling better because her medications had been adjusted. When we arrived back at her house I got her settled back in her bedroom and asked if she wanted anything to eat. Cold cereal was her answer so cereal it would be for dinner. Her and I sat side by side on the edge of her bed eating honey nut cheerios and she told me how thankful she was to have had me in her life all these years, how thankful she was for all I had done to help make her feel better and most importantly to tell me how much she loved me! Later that week she would be back in the hospital only coming home under hospice care.

I have had the privilege to call this woman Mom for over 33 years and even in her last weeks here on this earth she continued to teach me things that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. We talked a lot during this time and probably became closer than we had ever been before. She didn’t want to leave us and we certainly were not ready to let her go. She shared with me how worried she was about leaving Scott. After all he is her baby and always will be. I promised her that I will always love her son, that I will be there every step of the way to make sure that he is ok, that I will cherish him forever and that even though I could never in a million years take her place I would be there with love! Forever! But I needed her to do something for me as well. You see Scott and I have a baby up in Heaven, a baby that I wanted her to love and cherish for me. So with tears spilling down both our cheeks we promised each other that we would watch over and care for the babies that mean so much to us, the ones we hold close to our hearts, until someday when we all will be together in Heaven!

The days became harder. She was still in pain and often confused. She slept more and didn’t always know we were there. But we were there anyway….talking to her, caring for her and loving her. Love! The most important gift that we have! The most important gift we can give! As her time on earth was coming to an end we noticed something. She couldn’t use her smart phone anymore, she couldn’t move around her house, she couldn’t drive her car or pick out her own clothes and she couldn’t wear her jewelry because it was too heavy. And none of it was important. The only thing left that she could do was love her family and she did that very well. With every hug, with every smile, with every conversation, with every squeeze of the hand she gave love and received love! I remember the last time she told me that she loved me….a treasured memory for always….to carry in my heart. And the greatest of these is love! And so it is!

She entered Heaven early on Sunday morning…. just in time for church we say! On Monday Scott gave me an early Mother’s Day present. He gave me her gold locket, in the shape of a heart. I feel the need to keep this locket close to me now, as a way to keep her close to me. I was not ready to let her go and I still need that little something to hold on too. I know I really don’t need to carry it with me because she is in my heart where she has always been but for now it brings me comfort. Every time I look at this locket I feel her love and I am so thankful for every second of every minute of every day that I was able to spend with her and call her mom.

And the greatest of these is love! And so it is!

This Sunday we will be celebrating Mother’s Day here in the USA. I am not sure what my family will be doing on that day but I do know this. Whatever we decide to do we will all carry Pat with us in our hearts. We will talk about her life and how blessed we were to have her in our lives. We will express to each other how much we miss her and I am sure we will all cry… as we have been doing all week. Because if the truth be told we never have enough time with the people that we love and our time with her was just too short. There is a piece of our hearts that are in Heaven now and someday that empty place will be filled, after we are together again in Heaven. You know what I wish? I wish there were visiting hours in Heaven, I wish for one more hug, one more conversation and one more I love you. I know one day that will happen but until then……

Happy Mother’s Day Mom! I love you and miss you more then you will ever know but this is not good-bye….this is just see you later! I will see you again someday and what a reunion that will be!